


Twilight

by Sintharius



Category: Heroes of the Storm (Video Game)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-04
Updated: 2020-02-02
Packaged: 2020-06-03 21:02:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 13,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19472137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sintharius/pseuds/Sintharius
Summary: "What are we?""Friends. ...Maybe something more, if you want it.""What if I tell you... I do?"Or, two less lonely Russians in a strange world.





	1. In awe, the first time you realized it

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Fyztriarch](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fyztriarch/gifts), [MyLittleHime](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyLittleHime/gifts).



> Work based off [this prompt list](https://mottainaiiii.tumblr.com/post/132858041745/the-way-you-said-i-love-you).
> 
> This work is a little side project started by Fyztriarch - enjoy, my dear!

_31\. In awe, the first time you realized it_

They are… odd.

Not the weirdest kind of friends; there are plenty of stranger things in the Nexus. But she would dare say that they are up there in the “scale of weirdness” as far as friendships go. Mostly because outside of their shared homeland and dedication to the military force, they are basically polar opposites in terms of both personality and abilities.

It only endears him more to her. Someone to protect and serve… not just an acquaintance.

She didn’t know when it started, but it dawned on her one day.

That she likes him too much for just a friend.

Beneath his dismissal towards most people he doesn’t like, he turns out to be a proud and loving soul broken by the years of torture and experimentation. That he still shoulders on with life, despite being thrown into the rabbit hole of despair that she doesn’t know if he can recover from at all. A seemingly old fashioned greeting turned into respect of a fellow soldier from the Motherland, and a knowledgeable and witty scientist that has also seen the front lines.

His sense of humor could use some work, but it’s not the worst of her concerns.

Not for the first time, she wonders why he bothers to spend time with her at all. Not that she doesn’t enjoy the company; he makes for a surprisingly good companion once one gets through the seemingly impenetrable wall of indifference and despair that he puts up. She knows he’s lonely in a world where most people treated him like freaks, with only a few people – her included – that he can call friends.

But he’s rather standoffish to people that he doesn’t know, doesn’t like, or both, and prefers to stay away from them – and most of them returned the sentiment. When they met for the first time, he was friendly enough… but then decided to keep his distance like everyone else. Somehow she had shouldered on through his attempts to keep away, and now they are rarely seen apart outside of battle.

She never knew what possessed her to approach him on the day he first came to the Nexus. Curiosity? Homesickness? Loneliness?

All she knows is that her decision to talk with him on that day – pursue attempts after notwithstanding - nets her a loyal friend… and she might dare say, something else. Something _more_.

And she didn’t dare hope to have her feelings returned. During one of his more …open… nights, he had told her that he was married with kids. A picture perfect officer family, before he left for the disastrous mission in the Koprulu Sector. From the loyalty he still holds to his country, she doesn’t doubt the possibility that he still mourns his lost wife and children.

What chances does she have?

***

They meet up under at the edge of Dragon Shire.

The place is quiet, covered in lush green trees and flowing water. It’s perfect for chilling away from battles and the endless chatter of other heroes. She doesn’t mind most of the other people, but some of them really get on her nerves.

And if she gets to spend time with him… then no one’s the wiser.

He’s waiting under the shade of a large tree, blooming with white flowers. Jasmine, if the scent was anything to go by – she is still surprised that the Nexus has actual trees from her world in addition to its own plants.

She sits down next to him, careful to lean just a tiny bit on his side. “ _Hey soldier._ ”

“ _Hey yourself._ ” When it is just the two of them outside of battle, he drops all pretense of military discipline and instead becomes a much more relaxed person. She likes him more this way – free of his burdens and grief, more… normal? If she can call it that.

“ _I’m still amazed on how you go from hardass CO to nice guy in the blink of an eye._ ” That’s an exaggeration, but true regardless. She didn’t add that it only happens to her – he’s still exceedingly polite in the company of the few other people he consider friends, not completely informal like he does with her.

He smiles. Faint, but it’s there... and her heart skips a beat at the sight. “ _I was a family man, separation of work and personal life is required. Though I no longer have a work life here, do I?_ ”

She wonders what he’s implying with that comment. Maybe he’s just trying to be funny.

They watch the sun setting over Dragon Shire, bathing the land in orange light.

It is then that he turns slightly to her. His eyes – without the bright glow that signifies psionic powers, they are instead a soft molten gold color – meet her own emerald gaze. _“…What are we?_ ”

He doesn’t make eye contact unless it’s to intimidate people, most of the residents find his intense gaze too uncomfortable to hold for more than a few seconds. It startles her. “ _Friends._ ”

Is he insecure on what they are? Or… she didn’t dare hope that he wanted the same thing she does.

In that moment, she decided to cast the die and let fate decide. If he doesn’t want her back the same way, the worst that could happen would be her losing his companionship out of battle, at least until she gets over the awkwardness to speak to him again. And if he does…

Here goes nothing. She had never feared battle; she could work over a broken friendship.

“ _…Maybe something more, if you want it._ ”

And she waits for a reaction.

***

He’s still as a statue, turned away from her.

For a brief moment she wonders if he was trying to read her mind, but the mental probing she had come to understand was psionics trying to read her mind is absent. Maybe he’s in shock and trying to process what is basically a confession.

…Or he’s thinking on the best way to let her down. She tries not to think about it.

It feels like an eternity, but eventually he seems to come back to himself. What he says, however, was something she has completely not expected. “ _What if I tell you… I do?_ ”

What?

The little seedling of hope buried in her heart chose that moment to bloom.

Is she dreaming?

Something pulls her out of her trance, and she finds his hand gently touching her face. He’s looking at her… there’s an emotion in those molten gold eyes that she can’t decipher.

She closes her hand over his own, relishing in the feel of her skin over worn leather. “ _Are you serious?_ ”

“ _Why would I not be?_ ”

“ _I love you, old man._ ”

And there it goes. If her heart was right and he actually is interested-

Her thoughts come up short when he wraps his arm around her and pull her in closer. “ _I could say the same to you, comrade._ ”

It makes her laugh. Of course he would react to a love confession as if it was just a daily gossip thing.

After the initial shock wears off, she wastes no time in getting into his space. Human contact was something she had sorely missed while in the Nexus, with so many strangers and even more things unsafe to the touch. Of course there are others from her world… but they are not friends, and she doesn’t get touchy feely with acquaintances.

It’s… nice. He’s warm and solid on her side, and the confession has taken off a huge weight in her chest.

A flower falls and drifts in front of them. He picks it up and weaves it into her hair.

***

She wonders how their relationship – _it’s a relationship now_ – will change from now on.

It’s something that she is looking forward to.


	2. Not said to me

_10\. Not said to me_

Raynor brings it up during one of their regular drinking sessions.

“ _Word’s going around that you’re seeing someone._ ”

He’s surprised, but was careful to not show any outward reactions. They haven’t been exactly hiding, but not screaming to the world that they are dating either. Though, he wasn’t very surprised when Raynor was the one to bring it up, being with one of the most powerful psionics and all.

Joey Ray’s Bar – or at least a mimicry of it – is somewhat-noisy at this time of day. A time when the bar has enough occupants to create some noise and distract eavesdroppers, but not loud enough to drown out all conversation. Perfect for a personal talk.

The two are sitting in a corner of the bar, away from prying eyes and the noise. Tychus has started some sort of poker ring, and a bunch of people – some he recognized, some not – are gathered around, putting their luck to the test. He would bet twenty bucks that Raynor had intentionally gotten Tychus in by telling him to start a distraction, and the scoundrel was just too happy to be of use.

The commander has intended to keep it private between them, and he appreciated it.

“ _At least he didn’t follow up through with his intention for a pole dancing night. I’m not sure if I could live it down again._ ” He tensed, and Raynor must have noticed the discomfort in the corner of his eyes. “ _But really, I’m happy for you. About time you have someone out there watching your back._ ”

He holds out his own glass, and Raynor returns the gesture. “ _I’d appreciate it if you don’t tell this to anyone._ ”

They down their glasses, and the commander pats him on the shoulder. “ _Me and Sarah can keep a secret. No worries._ ”

It eases his worries somewhat. He's not ready to announce what he has with her, and would prefer to be able to do so on his - _their_ \- own terms.

And he doesn't need nosy people doing that for him.

***

He has been sitting there for a few minutes, just drinking with Raynor in silence, when a shock of pink hair catches his eyes.

It’s her.

He watches her in silence as she briefly peeks over to Tychus’ poker ring, dismisses it as unimportant, then heads to a table occupied by several ladies: Kerrigan, the mage girl with blond hair, Captain Amari, the demon hunter lady…

The Queen of Blades waves her over, then hands her a glass when she sits down. It’s a bit too far out of his hearing range, but though his sharper vision he can see the happiness blooming on her face as she engages in what is probably just girl talk.

Something twists in his mind. Worry… and jealousy.

He knows, rationally, that there is nothing to worry about. She has been having fun with the other ladies in the Nexus before he came here, and them getting together is not a reason for her to just give up her own personal relationships. He was able to respect his wife’s personal life in the many years they were together, he can do it again. For her.

It doesn’t stop him from being uncomfortable when he sees her being out with other people, but he tries and keeps it down. It will pass in time, as their relationship grows stronger – or they break up, in that case it’s no longer necessary.

He blames his constant pessimism for that, but he’s trying. And she’s helping.

“ _She must’ve been something special to catch your fancy, partner._ ” He has nearly forgotten that Raynor is there. The commander has taken to refill both of their glasses, and is also looking in the same direction as him – towards his own girlfriend.

Amari says something, and both of them burst out laughing.

His heart does a backflip at the sight. Void, he’s in it for real.

Out of the corner of his eyes, he catches Raynor staring at Kerrigan with a lovestruck expression on his face. He is pretty sure he isn’t any less different, anyhow.

“ _I’ve never seen you care for someone like this, to be honest._ ” And Raynor’s right. They hold no ill will towards each other despite the conflict between the UED, the Raiders, and the Dominion. Both considered each other honorable men, and are willing to cover each other’s backs in battle should the need arises. But he has never shown affections for anyone, preferring to stay professional as a commanding officer – even without his fleet – is wont to be.

And his self-loathing has too much of a hold on him to let him be interested in any relationship, much less romantic – being all doom and gloom tends to drive off potential suitors - until she came.

She’s like the first rays of sunlight after an endlessly long night… the sun dawning over the horizon.

“… _Yeah. I love her…_ ” It’s hard for him to admit that he’s fallen head over heels for a woman that is not even in the same world as his own, but he’ll take what he can get. His time in Skygeirr Station had taught him to cherish every little bit of reprieve, before the pain inevitably comes.

“ _She’s a keeper for sure. Take care, partner. Gotta run, duty calls._ ”

He’s only dimly aware of Raynor finishing his own glass, and the scraping noise of a chair being pushed away as the Dominion commander stands up, leaving him alone with his thoughts.

At that moment, he’s rather content to just stay where he is. Just him, an endless flow of alcohol, and the sight of her to keep his mind at ease.

Until the next battle comes.


	3. Over a beer bottle

_5\. Over a beer bottle_

“ _You… you actually do that?_ ”

“ _Yes. Command doesn’t actually care about what we get on during downtime as long as we get the job done. I like to think that it’s because I’m too much of a weird scientist for them._ ”

She drains the last of the beer in her glass before looking at him. “ _You’re crazy, you know that?_ ”

“ _Gerard likes to describe me as “unconventional”, but some people did call me crazy. Including you._ ”

Joey Ray’s Bar is quiet, with only a few night dwellers chatting and drinking. They have been sitting there for the better part of the night, exchanging stories of their time in active duty. He has to say it’s a good way to get to know each other’s lives, and she actually enjoyed some of the crazy deeds he did back in the day. Not that he was ashamed of any of them.

His entire career were built on the fact that he doesn’t think the same way most of the people in the UPL, and later UED, did; his death, resurrection and torture had simply taken whatever fucks he had left and burned them to ash. Now he can’t bring himself to care about most things unless it’s very important to him.

Like her.

In her heart, she’s grateful that he views her as a fellow soldier and an equal. She had been approached by many parties, interested in her fame as a soldier and a world class athlete. But there was always something about them that eventually made her lost interest. Whether it was because they only wanted her for her fame, her body, or some other reason that she eventually realized that the relationship wasn’t genuine.

Not with him. The only thing he cared about was that she’s a fellow soldier and a child of the Motherland.

It was strange at first – working alongside people that do not know who she is, other than her name. But at the same time it felt refreshing, to not be judged by people before she even met them. He didn’t care before he knew, and still doesn’t care even after.

“ _What you are in your world is irrelevant here. You are just a soldier, as am I._ ”

She’s glad he didn’t know the faces she had to put up in public, just the sweet and dorky girl that is herself under the mask.

And she’s glad to know him – the actual him, underneath all the bitterness and indifference.

***

That’s not to say that he wasn’t without prejudices. Her curiosity on his dislike of Terrans that isn’t Raynor and cyborgs had resulted in a crash course on the history of the UED. She understood his dislike of the Terrans, and cyborgs – she herself doesn’t have any love lost for the robots, after seeing her childhood village attacked by the omnium.

Except for Raynor, of course. She has gained a newfound respect for the Dominion commander after knowing the story behind his initial deinfestation, how Raynor risked it with a Protoss dragoon to go in and get him out. He didn’t blame Raynor for handing him over to the Moebius Foundation – he would have done the same - and the commander had apologized to him on the first time they met up after he joined the Nexus.

He had waved it off, claiming that there was no way they could have known. Hindsight twenty twenty, so they say.

Though, with her face off against Sombra and the realization about Katya Volskaya, she had started reconsidering her stance on the omnics. She could only hope that he will come to the conclusion himself, in time.

***

He finishes off his beer, before turning to look at her. Her cheeks are tinted pink from all the alcohol they’ve downed, and she’s slightly slurring. Him, on the other hand, is stone cold sober despite having drank more than her.

One of the weird perks of being an infested terran, he supposed. Being a high functioning alcoholic in his past life helped too.

“ _I think… I have a type._ ” It’s the first time he has seen her drink enough to get drunk, and he wasn’t sure if she’s actually smashed or close to it. Reading her mind would solve the problem easily, but he refrains from doing it out of respect. She’s entitled to her privacy even if they are in a relationship.

“ _Oh?_ ”

“ _…You know… dark hair, smart, maybe a little mean when they want…_ ”

He snorts. “ _Even if they have problems?_ ” She’s brutally honest when she’s drunk, and he finds it endearing.

“ _...What kind of person… doesn’t have problems?..._ ” She props her head on her arms, unbalanced and about to fall over; now he’s sure that she’s clearly drunk off her ass. “ _…The entire point of a couple… is to help each other though… their problems._ ”

It’s enough to bring a smile to his face. “ _I’m touched, but you should turn in for the night._ ” She’s very likely going to be complaining about a hangover the next day, and he didn’t intend to let her suffer.

“ _...You know that I love you… right?_ ”

At that moment, he is glad that Joey Ray’s is pretty much empty with no one else around.

“ _…I know… I love you too._ ” He’s smiling despite himself, as he helps her to her feet.

***

Somehow, they made it to her room.

She’s still standing, although leaning on him to keep herself from falling over.

He doesn’t want to leave. If he could, he’d stay at her side forever… but he isn’t sure if she would appreciate that, with their relationship still new and budding. With great reluctance, he lets her go.

“ _See you tomorrow._ ”

When he turns to leave, her hand on his human shoulder stops him in his track.

And then she kisses him on the white hairs of his temple.

“ _Thank you... For everything._ ”

She disappears into her room, leaving him stunned and rooted to the spot.


	4. Muffled, from the other side of the door

_22\. Muffled, from the other side of the door_

The door slams shut with a loud thud.

She has barely stepped foot into her room, before she plummets face first into her bed as exhaustion and shock set in.

Before she realized it, her emotions spilled over in a hail of tears and soaking the pillow underneath her.

***

_It had looked like a regular mission, fight for control of the battlefield and take down the enemy core._

_No one, nothing, had prepared her for what actually happened._

_When she came out of the Hall of Storms, the area was familiar but did not look like the stronghold on Braxis that she was used to. Instead there was something else. Something… ominous, in the silence reigning over the empty halls._

_She did not recognize the men hurrying towards them, but she did recognize the banner they wear._

_The United Earth Directorate. His home._

_They briefed her team on the mission, and it was then that horror dawned upon her. They were not there to fight._

_They were there to escape._

***

Heavy footsteps, then a quiet rapping on the door.

It’s him- _the real him_ , at least. He had likely sensed her distress – strong emotions disturb psionics more often than not, even if he refused to read her mind – and came to offer her company.

But he’s the last person she wanted to see right now.

Not after what happened.

She closes her eyes, pulls the cover over herself and silently hoped that he would go away of his own volition. Before she did something she would regret.

There was red behind her eyes.

***

_As it was, they had landed in a Braxis platform under siege by a new strain of Zerg. The Omegaswarm._

_Relentless and unyielding, they have consumed countless planets in their path of conquest. And the platform was their next target. The personnel – remnants of the UED and their sympathizers – had decided to evacuate before the Zerg caught up with them. And her team arrived just as they were packing up._

_Air evac was impossible – the Omegaswarm had quickly disabled the air defense platform and taken it over as a breeding ground and strike platform. With ground forces encroaching rapidly on them, the team had decided on the only option: fight their way through several doorways already blockaded by the Zerg, and use the portal in the back room to flee the area before the Omegaswarm overwhelmed them._

_She doesn’t fear the Zerg. What with her countless times fighting them, and being involved with one of their best agents kind of helped in that regard. But there was something nagging in the back of her mind that made it feel worse despite all her experience._

_And she didn’t realize how right she was at that moment._

***

The knockings continued for a while before it stopped. Then a soft thud noise, and a shadow blocking out the light underneath the crack of her door.

Despite her unwelcome, he had chosen to stay. A little part of her quietly cheered at the fact that he is not going to give up on her so easily, amidst the rest of her agonizing at his presence with the memories still fresh in her mind.

Everything is quiet.

She suffered and he worried, on two sides of a door.

***

_Everything seemed well – they had managed to break through the blockade in the hall, crawling with Zerg and coming face to face with several powerful Omegaswarm leaders, which they managed to defeat – when it all went to hell in a handbasket._

_The team had to stop at a locked gate, having been sealed by the UED personnel in a futile effort to keep the Omegaswarm out. Now, they waited as the scientist guy worked on the lock._

_It was a moment that she would never forget._

_A madman laugh, high pitched and insane; yet the voice was one she was intimately familiar with._

_Dread settled low in her gut._

_She saw red. The bright red of his coat, his face frozen in a sadistic grin she never saw once-_

_No…_

_It’s not him, she keeps telling herself. He would never be like this, not the kind soul she had gotten to know, he would never hurt her if he was not forced to do so-_

_Pain slammed into her, and she screamed. He- no, the thing that wore his face- had advanced while she was distracted and attacked her. The distraction had forced her to her knees; she can’t afford to be downed now-_

_Uther slammed his hammer into the thing’s head, and it staggered backwards. Another hail of bullets from Raynor, and it quickly retreated into the depths of the infested platform as it fled from the assault. The Dominion commander threw a disgusted look at the trail of blood the creature left behind, before extending a hand to her and helped her up._

_“I know it might have his face, but it’s not him.” A whisper, almost too quiet to make out. “Stay strong.”_

_Before she could respond, Raynor had already left, slamming a new clip into his rifle as he walked off._

_A beam of light washed over her as the paladin mended her wounds. The old man continued to fuss over her, and she let him – even though some of the scratches hurt when Uther touched them, she didn’t react._

_Everything was numb._

***

“ _Hey._ ”

His voice breaks the silence. The sound is muffled by the door, but she can still hear it just fine.

The memory of a madman’s laugh is still fresh in her mind, and his baritone feels like a cool touch to the exposed wound.

“ _…I don’t know why you’re mad at me, or what I did for this to happen_.”

A pause. Probably searching for what to say next. “ _Whatever it was… I probably messed up badly for you to be this mad. I’m sorry._ ”

She wanted to reach out, to reassure him that he did nothing wrong and that it was her fault. Only exhaustion and pain stopped her.

“ _I just want you to know… I’ll always be here for you. As long as you will have me._ ” A quiet, but audible exhale. “ _I love you._ ”

Silence. She waited for him to speak, but he did not.

She had never hated herself more in that moment. He is constantly on the edge of insecurity and depression, and she doesn’t want to be the one that eventually shove him into the depths of the abyss.

_I’m so sorry…_

***

_The rest of the escape was a blur._

_She let her honed soldier instincts take over, as her conscious mind retreated to nurse its wounds. The screams of dying zerg, the smell of charred flesh, even the Queen of Blades leaping towards her with wings spread; nothing registered in her mind anymore as her feet went on autopilot and got her to the exit with the team._

_Only the color of blood, strained on a coat equally red, remained._

***

It feels like an eternity before she eventually drags herself out of bed, and towards the door.

She is greeted with the sight of his back turned towards the door upon clicking it open. He briefly tumbled backwards, having been leaning on the door for support, before recovering.

Surprise set in as he took in the sight of her, messy and tear strained.

Before he could react, she steps forward and envelops him in a hug. “ _I’m so sorry… I didn’t mean to make you worry._ ”

“ _It’s alright._ ” He’s warm and familiar to the touch, and the black coat is chasing away the red lingering behind her eyes. _“You’re fine. That is what matters.”_

They remained in each other’s embrace for a while, before breaking apart. The relief from him is palpable, and she can feel the remains of the battle draining from her shoulders.

She is the first one to speak. “ _…Would you be able to stay? Just for a while._ ”

Later on she would swear that something possessed her to ask; she’s comfortable enough in their relationship, but they had never actually spent a long time in company of each other, much less… sleeping with him, literally or otherwise. Not that she knew how that would work out.

In her defense, it sounded like a good idea at the time.

He is quiet for a moment, deliberating on a course of action. She steels herself for a rejection.

“ _…If you don’t mind it, of course. I’m here._ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by an abandoned WIP I had that also focused on the same topic. 
> 
> You know the one brawl.


	5. With a hoarse voice, under the blankets

When she opens her eyes, it was dark.

She’s confused. The last thing she remembered was _overwhelming fear, pain, him running towards her-_

And then she blacked out.

She was pretty sure the battle had taken place during the day, somewhere near noon. How long has it been since then, for it to be dark?

It was then that she noticed the second thing: She’s not in her room, but someone else’s.

The room appears to be some sort of study. A bookcase lining the back with a desk in front, stacked full of papers and what appeared to be a hologram. More books piled in another corner of the room. She’s lying on a rather comfortable couch just in front of the desk. A holopad – although she does not recognize the design – is lying on the coffee table to her right. Soft moonlight illuminates the room, muted through the curtains covering the windows.

She stands up before looking around. The room is quiet, with only herself and the muted howling of winds outside the windows; she has yet some time to explore and find clues to whoever this room belongs to.

If she has to hazard a guess, the owner would be some sort of desk jock or bookworm - given the amount of reading materials that occupy the room. There is no clutter and everything is neatly organized, suggesting a neat freak… or someone with discipline.

She moves over to the table, fingers trailing on the edge. The papers are in English, though there’s no name signed on them, and she can make out some medical terms on the covers of one. A doctor, or scientist.

It was then that her eyes fall on a black coat draped on a chair, just behind the desk.

She knows that coat, had every seam and every line committed to memory. Well, most.

Is this his room? She had never visited his room, although she’d always been curious on how it looks like on the inside. The Nexus allows them to shape their rooms – basically separate pocket dimensions – into whatever they wish, so she wouldn’t be surprised if his room is just an ordinary study to conduct research. He was a scientist and military leader, after all.

***

She’s examining one of the papers on the desk when his voice catches her attention.

“ _It’s good to see you up and about._ ”

She is startled, like a child being caught with their hand in the cookie jar. What she sees when she turns around, however, gives her pause.

It is him – but… _different_. The Zerg infestation running rampart through his body is gone, leaving behind sharp, but gentle human features. He’s wearing a shirt and pants, with messy hair and a slightly manic look in his eyes as if he’d stayed up late one night too many. If she didn’t know him as well as she does, he could easily pass as a normal workaholic desk jockey and not one of the greatest military tacticians of the UED.

She’s inclined to believe that this is not him, but rather an imposter that somehow decided taking on his human looks to taunt her is a good idea after she went down from the mental attack earlier.

“ _…Whoever you are, you’re not fooling me that easily. How dare you steal his face?_ ”

He holds up his hands in surrender. She doesn’t let her guard down.

“ _Easy now, Sasha. I know you’re suspicious, but I have no intentions to fool you.”_ She relaxes a little upon hearing the nickname; it’s something only he would know, something they use to call each other in private. Suspicions still linger in her mind, and she decided to gather information first before she could judge any further.

 _“What’s happening then? Where is this?_ ”

He looks resigned. “ _…Long story short, you’re in my head right now._ ”

***

“… _What do you mean I’m in your head?_ ”

“ _How much do you remember? …Before you woke up._ ”

She’s sitting on the couch with him at her side, trying to recall the events before she wound up here.

If he was right and they are indeed just imaginations in his head, then she can suppose it makes sense why he’s his old human self and not his current state as an infested terran. He never quite made peace with his inhuman nature, unlike Kerrigan who embraced it wholeheartedly.

But then, she had the choice to not become the Primal Queen of Blades. He had his choices taken from him.

“ _...We were fighting in the Cursed Hollow. Last thing I remember…”_

“ _Yes?_ ”

“ _…Like something had taken my mind and ripped it apart._ ” A pause. “ _And you._ ”

She doesn’t know how to describe the horrifying fear that took over her mind at that moment, her brain shutting down and screaming at her to _run_.

Next thing she knew, she woke up here. Inside his mind space.

He’s silent, and it unnerves her. “ _What’s wrong?_ ”

“ _…That greenskin they called an orc - Gul’dan, I think – tried to break you, with some kind of mental attack. It forced your body_ into _a flight reflex, fleeing from the battle without your control.”_

That explained why she did not know exactly _what_ she was running from, only that she had to. She didn’t like it, but she could grudgingly acknowledge such a tool would make an incredible weapon.

 _“I’m not seeing why it is relevant to us being like this. Or why I’m in your head right now._ ”

“ _…I don’t know what happened, but after you were hit with the attack..._ ”

More silence. She has a feeling she’s not going to like what’s next.

“ _You went into a catatonic state after the fear wore off. We couldn’t rouse you._ ”

***

Is she… dead?

No. If she was dead, she wouldn’t be here. The dead don’t think.

She turns her face into his shirt and taking comfort in their closeness, trying to take her mind off the lost battle. They have won and lost so many battles that it should be irrelevant, but she still couldn’t shake off the feeling that she failed her team. “ _So what now?”_

 _“They needed someone to anchor your mind while they work on the fracture in your psyche, so your mind won’t get lost. I’ll spare you the details because I know you won’t understand most of it.”_ He gently wraps his arm around her shoulders, and she quietly indulges in the contact. “ _The gist of it is, I volunteered for the job. So we’ll be spending quite some time here._ ”

She shifts in her seat, before finally deciding to lean into his side. He’s solid and warm… it feels _real_. If it was not for him looking different, she could swear they were just sitting in his room back at the Nexus.

“ _That battle… did we lose?_ ”

“ _Yeah. It’s not important… just another of many. If it was any consolations, we put up a fight to the end._ ”

Being one man down wasn’t exactly conductive to winning, but at least they went down fighting.

An idea pops into her mind. If she is going to be waiting to get fixed up, might as well take the time to know him more. “ _Tell me something about your life. About… this,”_ she waves her hand in a vague indication of the room, “ _before everything went down._ ”

He doesn’t respond right away, and she fears that she might have reopened some old wounds. “ _This… was my work study at home, back on Earth._ ”

The worry gnawing at her dissipates as he continues, instead being replaced with excitement and curiosity at being given a glimpse into his old life, as the hard-working scientist and vice admiral she had fallen for.

***

At some point, the conversation has gone to discussing his wife and family.

“ _Do you… ever miss her?_ ”

“ _While I was with the Fleet, yes. But when Kaloth brought me back… The hive mind tried to corrupt me. To remake my mind until the Swarm was my first and foremost priority – nothing else mattered.”_ A long pause. She slips her hand into his own, and he squeezes back.

“ _Raynor and Artanis got me out, before it could subvert me entirely. Natasha- I still remember her, but… I no longer feel anything for her. Whether it’s because of the hive mind’s influence on me, or the torture I was subjected to in the next four years… I do not know. All I do know is, at some point I was able to examine what’s left of me as a person, and I realized that my family is all but gone in my thoughts._ ”

She can understand him, having realized into her teenage years that she no longer remembered how her parents looked like. Or their voice, their habits. It hurt, knowing that what you have left of your family is being eroded away into nothingness.

“ _…When I married Natasha, our wow was “Until death do us part”. So I guess that means I’m a single man now._ ”

She smiles despite herself. “ _At least I’m not going to feel guilty pursuing a married man. She was a very lucky woman._ ”

“ _Considering how she complained a lot about me spending too much time at work, I don’t think she shared the same sentiment._ ”

“ _She was just worried about you, like any good wife would._ ” She pauses for a moment, debating on whether she should say it out loud- ah, fuck it. He deserves to know. “ _I would, too._ ” If she were to be honest, she wouldn’t mind if he was just lonely and using her to replace his lost wife. After the many hardships he went through, the guy could really use some company – and she cares too much for him.

He shifts to turn to her side, looking straight at her. His gaze as a human is softer than the intense stare he has as an infested terran, and she finds herself mesmerized. “ _You’re not a replacement for her, Sasha. Never was._ ”

“ _I know._ ” And she appreciates it, even if doubts lingered in the back of her mind.

***

She has no idea how much time has passed, when _something_ changed.

Sunlight starts flooding into the room, and he stirs next to her. At some point they had taken to what was likely the longest cuddling session they had ever done together on the couch, and she finds herself wanting more of that contact. He’s really comfy and everything is quiet, for once.

Once they get out of this mental projection and return to the real world, she’s damn well going to make sure they do that again. Preferably longer.

“ _It looks like they’re done. Kerrigan is trying to wake me._ ”

“ _Just a little longer…_ ”

“ _I told her to get out, I’ll get up on my own time. We shouldn’t get disturbed for another few hours._ ”

She buries her face into his shoulder and sighs in contentment. Having more personal time for themselves is always a bonus, though she would have preferred to be in the flesh.

“ _You’re not that bad looking for an old man, you know that?_ ”

“ _Gerard always kept trying to take me to social meetings, said I’m better at charming the ladies than he was._ ” She can hear amusement tinging his voice. “ _I told him he’s the Frenchman, he’s supposed to be better with women. I’m just a nerdy scientist._ ”

“ _A very hot nerdy scientist, to be exact._ ”

“ _You gave me too much credit. Not that I’m much of anything to look at, anymore._ ”

“ _I like you sassing out that Sith alien guy more than I like your looks. You nerd._ ”

He laughs, and she can feel her heart dancing.

***

They fell asleep together at some point, promising to see each other again.

When she wakes up, dawn is just breaking over the horizon.

She’s in a sterile hospital room that she recognized as being in the Nexus, having visited it more than once. A soft blanket covers her up to her chest, and she realized that she’s in a hospital gown. It must have taken more than a couple days to get her back up and running, and she briefly wondered how long it had been. At least she’s back in the physical world.

She looks around, trying to find signs of her companion. Information can be asked later; she needs to find him-

He’s in a chair next to her bedside, sleeping with his arms folded over his chest. His hat is left on the nightstand next to the bed, and his hair is mussed in the same way she had seen it in his mind.

Before she could reach out to him, he wakes up.

“… _Hey. Welcome back._ ”

He smiles, and warmth floods her chest.

“ _I love you._ ” Her voice is hoarse after days of disuse, but she ignored it. He has done so many things for her; the least she could do is giving him her appreciation.

As he rushes out of the room to inform the medical staff, she is sure that he understands everything she wanted to say.


	6. When the broken glass litters the floor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scars run deep, and they never go away.

_17\. When the broken glass litters the floor_

When she was in school, her teacher once showed a display of a Japanese ceramic cup. A fine crack runs on the body of the cup, having been mended with gold. Once a flaw, now blended in as an integral part of the item.

_The people believed in making the damage part of the item’s history, not as a flaw to be reviled. A repaired item became more beautiful and stronger because of it, not in spite of it._

Her father promised to get her one, as a souvenir on his next trip to Japan.

Then the Omnic Crisis happened.

She never got her gift.

***

He’s a hard man to approach, and makes sure everyone knows it. Sometimes she wonders why she tried everything to get past the wall of thorns he put up. Perhaps she saw a kindred soul of the Motherland, or loneliness made her grew attached to the only person she found a shared passion with.

And she definitely hadn’t counted on falling in love with the person inside that wall. Even if he – or rather, the fragments of who he used to be – makes her bleed sometimes.

The early parts of their relationship had been a minefield. She had seen soldiers in rehabilitation because of trauma sustained on the field, had suffered from some of it herself. None of it held a candle to what he had gone through, and he’s still standing. Through broken and only a shadow of his former self.

But she tries. To her, he is worth it.

***

It was a particularly bad night. Two lost matches and callous blame from his teammates had put him on edge. She had taken him by his arm, her grip a little too tight in getting him to leave when she realized he’s close to losing his calm.

The next thing she knew, there was a loud shattering noise coming from the direction of his room.

Just after she left.

She raced down the hallway to his room, praying that he was fine and it was just a trick of her mind, he’s not in battle, he should be safe without her-

What she saw when she swung the door open stopped her.

He was standing in front of a mirror. Or what’s left of it.

Glass shards littering the floor. Eyes glazed and knuckles bleeding.

Broken, just like him.

“ _My god…_ ”

She knew that look. His time under torture in Skygeirr Station had left deep wounds in the man, both physical and mental. Just touching him the wrong way can cause a traumatic memory to resurface and he would inevitably lash out, more often than not physical – and he hits _hard_.

Not that anyone but her gets to see the occasional breakdown he has, anyhow. He’d always been good at not losing his mind in public – until he’s alone. Then all hell breaks loose.

She cursed herself for forgetting that important detail.

She should have been there. But what’s done is done.

And it’s time for her to pick up the pieces.

***

Glass crunches under her boots.

Blood drips from his hand, straining the floor red.

He is stock still like a statue, and doesn’t react as she comes closer to him. She’s not the mind reader of the two, but she knows whatever is going on in his head couldn’t be good – he has the thousand yard stare that she saw in soldiers suffering from PTSD, when they were reliving memories of gunfire, blood and smoke. And deaths.

 _Raynor had told her once, on how to deal with a psionic when they are not in the right state of mind._ _Don’t try and force them to wake up, they are more likely to kill you that way. Take it slow, ease them out of their thoughts. Sarah hated physical contact when it happened, so I just stay with her until she comes back on her own._

She had never actually tried to do this. He rarely loses it as is, and before they started dating, he would just snap out of it eventually on his own. But everything is different now, and she doesn’t want to see him suffer alone.

She could only pray that he retains enough self-awareness to not murder her on the spot.

His human hand is still bleeding, through the flow has slowed down considerably. Some glass shards still remain stuck, preventing the wounds from healing.

He doesn’t react even as she gently takes his hand in her own and starts to pick out the glass.

Does he even feel pain in this state? Or anything at all?

Does he know she is here, amidst all the pain and confusion he must be reliving?

***

With the shards removed, his wounds started closing themselves up.

Now that he’s physically fine, she has his mental state to tend to. To the best of her ability, anyway.

After they started being together, she realized that he doesn’t like being touched for a completely different reason than most people – including her, at first – assumed.

He was never ashamed of the scars, both from experiments and battles, that covered his skin. It was those years in a lab where the only body contact he knew was pain; to this day, he still recoils at the slightest contact that isn’t from her, or one of the few people he knows and is cordial to.

The infestation that runs through his body never quite chased her away like most people, and she was never really concerned about his looks in the first place. To her, it’s just another battle scar – one that is much more prominent, of a battle he never asked to fight in and yet came out of it alive. Sometimes when phantom pain overwhelms him, she would hold him and keep his mind off the pain.

And she wonders if it would work this time. There is always a risk that he didn’t realize it was her and responded with violence, in which case she would end up hurt or worst, in respawn – but it’s better to know it now, than to tiptoe around it forever while he suffered.

Well, here goes nothing.

She steps forward and gently wraps her arm around his shoulders, bracing for the pain if he retaliates.

***

He did not.

There is slight movement, then he lays his head upon her shoulder. “ _I’m sorry._ ”

She sighs internally in relief, and draws him into a full embrace. He’s back here, in the real world, with her. “ _It’s okay, I’m here._ ”

He’s so quiet, weakened. Vulnerable. And she hated it. Hated the circumstances and the bastard that caused him to be this way, even if said asshole is six feet under within the Void.

“ _I made you worry… You didn’t have to do that, you know._ ”

“ _You know I love you, right? Just… let me take care of you, for once._ ”

If he is a mess of broken pieces, then she will just have to put them back together. The breaks would never go away – they are a part of him, now – but she wanted to help him through, with all the struggles he is facing. Even if the sharp edges cut and draw blood, it’s all worth it.

Like the little ceramic cup in her memories, mended with gold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [StarCraft II Coop: Rockslapping Champions #20 - Dehaka Unleashes Full Primal Fury](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZGDi_vlCghE)


	7. Loud, so everyone can hear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on Fyztriarch's request.
> 
> Sorry for being late :3

_15\. Loud, so everyone can hear_

“ _Truth or dare?_ ”

“ _Dare, bring it on._ ”

She never thought that even the Nexus also celebrates Valentine’s Day, being a war-torn world where everyone is destined to fight in never ending battles. Waking up to pink balloons, banners and other general festivities was a bit of a surprise for her… not that she minded it.

With the weirdness that is the Nexus comes also weird ways to celebrate the holiday of love.

A group of ladies have chosen to play truth or dare, with increasingly absurd dares. She has the suspicion that they might be trying to hook people up with each other… as per the holiday they are celebrating.

“ _Hey, big gal. Wanna join?_ ”

And they are trying to get her to join. She supposed she could humor them just once, to get them off her back. Although she would prefer to spend the day with him.

What could be worse?

“ _Okay, but just this once._ ”

***

They are a few rounds in, and she’s convinced whoever that thought up this game is not right in the head.

Most of them had taken dares, eager to get some action on a day off – and she suspected, to show off to their friends. Though the escalating absurdity of the dares makes her question on why she agreed to this in the first place.

At least they have stopped doing potentially lethal dares after Kerrigan tried to kiss the Lord of Terror – in an attempt at getting lipstick on him – and earned a trip to respawn for it. Respawn at the Hall of Storms is never convenient, even if it is a holiday.

Speaking of which, it’s now the Queen of Blades’ turn.

“ _Truth or dare, Zarya?_ ”

She wanted to say no. Kerrigan knows about her relationship; if the Queen decided to pull some joke that involved him and let her deal with the fallout…

She knows that even though Kerrigan probably wouldn’t do anything too drastic, it would not stop her from doing something particularly cruel to mess with him mentally; she had heard tales from the aliens on Kerrigan’s penchant for mind games. And she doesn’t want to add any more to his already existing suffering.

…It’s too late to back out now. They will deal with it when it comes, as two professional soldiers would, and she has a reputation to maintain.

“ _Dare._ ”

A devilish grin appears on Kerrigan’s face. Her purple eyes dart around, searching for a target-

“ _There. Go tell him that you love him_.”

The other women at the table burst out laughing. “ _Do you hate her or something to make her do that, Kerrigan?_ ”

She turns to see who Kerrigan is pointing towards-

-To see him, leaning against a tree and talking to Raynor. Probably something about battle strategy as leaders in their station tend to do.

Hammer pats her shoulder. Probably meant to be sympathy, even if it didn’t have the intended effect. “ _I feel sorry for you, bud. Could be worse options, I guess?_ ”

If only they knew…

She’s not shy in expressing her feelings for him. Quite the opposite in fact, and he reciprocates. Doing it in front of a crowd – for a dare, no less – is another story entirely. They have agreed shortly after starting the relationship that they are to keep it on the down low, for the sake of both. That doesn’t stop some people from finding that out on their own, either through observations or something else.

And now Kerrigan is challenging her to break their promise together. If it wasn’t a festival and knowing it was a dare she got herself into, she would’ve tried to choke the Queen of Blades with her bare hands. That might get her shredded to bits, but at least she had the satisfaction of trying.

“ _Well? Don’t tell me you’re chickening out._ ”

Goddamnit.

She could only pray that he knows enough of the situation to not lose his temper on the spot. He has always been a slow to anger type, but she could apparently rile him up in a way nothing else can.

With the entire group’s eyes on her, she has no other option but to do it.

His gaze turns towards her as she approaches him, with Raynor choosing that moment to make his exit. She can feel the probing curiosity in his golden eyes and an underlying softness that’s for her alone.

Kerrigan shouts behind her, loud enough for both of them to hear. “ _Say it out loud so we can hear, or it doesn’t count!_ ”

He narrows his eyes, but doesn’t make a move.

Here goes nothing. She’s half talking, half shouting, but at this point it doesn’t matter.

“ _I love you._ ”

The sound of cheering explodes from the cloud behind her. But-

He straightens out from where he’s leaning against the tree, before turning and walking away. Away from her… from their broken promise.

When she returns to the group, the others are either congratulating her or expressing disbelief that she didn’t provoke a violent response from him. Even Hammer. “ _I can’t believe you didn’t get killed by that son of a bitch! Walking away is, like, the best thing you can get._ ”

Kerrigan has a guilty look on her face as she passes by. _I’m sorry, I didn’t know you two were supposed to be a secret._

She feels hurt. But most of all, guilty for being forced into it.

***

Having lost the enthusiasm for the festivities, she ends up returning to her room.

-Only to find herself in front of his room instead.

She wanted to apologize. That she hasn’t intended to out their relationship in the middle of a crowd, out of some misplaced sense of pride in a game. That he’s still more important than people that are, at the end of the day, acquaintances.

But before she can knock, the door opens itself. He’s looking at her.

“ _Do I need to wait until you make up your mind? Come in._ ”

She admits defeat and steps inside. He closes the door behind them.

His room is almost a spitting image of his work study back on Earth that she had seen when they were taking refuge in his mind, with some changes. The work desk occupies the space where the couch and coffee table were, and a bed is in the corner where the desk was – hidden out of sight with a bookcase. There are no papers on the floor, and she recognizes some books similar to Deckard’s tomes stashed on the shelf.

He folds his hands behind his back – something she recognizes as him being defensive – and looks at her with a silent questioning gaze. For an explanation, perhaps. She owes him one anyway.

“ _It was a bet._ ”

No response. For a moment she thought she’d failed him. Failed the first relationship she’d seriously invested into in her life-

“ _I know._ ”

He averts his eyes, and for a moment she’s glad she is free of those piercing eyes. “ _Kerrigan- she contacted me later and told me it’s not meant to be serious. Most of them thought it was a joke anyway._ ” A sigh. “ _Walking away was the best option. I’m sorry if you think of it that way._ ”

Why is he apologizing when she was the one who messed it up, but she’s not about to look a gift horse in the mouth.

“ _They thought you were going to kill me_.”

It was then that she realized she has stepped closer to him at some point, probably to intimidate people out of habit – not that it’d work on him. Instead she wraps her arm around his right shoulder and pulls him in close, taking comfort in the close contact.

“ _I’m not going to hurt you unless it is demanded of me._ ”

“ _Someday that’s going to bite you in the ass. People are going to notice._ ”

“ _Let them think whatever they want. I’m a monster, they’re not going to pay attention. They don’t want to._ ”

She doesn’t reply, and didn’t need to.

Someday, they will be able to tell the world of what happened between them. Of all the love and suffering they went through together.

Today is not that day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [StarCraft II Coop: Rockslapping Champions #26 - Tychus Pulls A Heist](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PufYNRneaoQ).


	8. When we lay together on the fresh spring grass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just the two of them, being happy together on a day off.

_12\. When we lay together on the fresh spring grass_

“ _A penny for your thought?_ ”

“ _I’d be a millionaire._ ”

She laughs. It’s confident, yet soft, and his heart skips a beat at the sound.

“ _You think too much._ ”

“ _So I’ve been told._ ”

They’re on break. The Nexus’ regular vacation days, to be exact; he can appreciate a break from all the fighting they have to do otherwise, even if he has fought enough to last a lifetime and a half.

Right now, they are just taking time to themselves in the lush meadow of Dragon Shire.

He’s flat on his back on the grass and staring up at the sky. She’s using his shoulder as a makeshift pillow as she curls into his side, more interested in her companion than the endless blue sky.

A cloud lazily drifts by, and she watches his eyes tracking the thing as it moves.

“ _You’re oddly quiet today._ ”

“ _I thought you like silence._ ”

And he does. After his resurrection, the constant background noise of the hive mind in the back of his head had almost driven him mad, Kaloth’s attempted influence on him hadn’t helped. The deinfestation had broken that link, and he remained closed off to the hive mind even as he was reinfested.

But his enhanced psionic powers have made it difficult to not picking up the various surface thoughts of other living beings in the vicinity. Training and discipline, with some help from Kerrigan, had made it more bearable; but he still finds himself slipping from time to time. It was like suddenly stepping into a room with very loud music and a big talking crowd, and he generally ends up with a pounding headache after.

It was no surprise that he preferred silence to the hectic noise that is the Nexus.

But… he doesn’t mind it when it’s just them. Her mental voice is gentle, soothing, and he finds it calming. He’s not ashamed to admit that he’d used her mind as an anchor to keep himself grounded more than once.

“ _Do you remember that day? ...The day we first met._ ”

“ _I do._ ”

He remembers it clearly as day, and not just because of his heightened memory acuity. What would have been a normal conversation between two soldiers of the Motherland had instead blossomed into a strong, steady romance that still has him blown away, even after a previous marriage that lasted decades prior to his death.

She settles back into his side, seemingly satisfied with the answer.

With the memory of their first meeting at the forefront, another question suddenly comes to his mind.

“ _...You called me old fashioned when we first met.”_

_“I distinctly recalled doing no such thing, Vice Admiral.”_

_“What’s the word? …For someone from the future, you are quite stuck in the past.”_

_“Maybe I did. Then, you really_ are _old fashioned.”_

Warmth, and something else, flutters in his chest.

He’s aware that he isn’t the most up to date person concerning anything that’s not related to his work, technology, or family – even DuGalle had teased him once or twice about his stubbornness in following some ages old traditions.

That does not mean he is immune to people commenting on how old-fashioned he is, however. Most of the time, he merely ignored them and focused on his work… but here, with just them and nothing to do, the teasing has clearly gotten to him. Not that he minded it too much anyhow, as there’s no heat behind it. Just two soldiers and partners taking jabs at each other on a day off.

_“I’ll have you know that I take offense to that, Sergeant.”_

A light giggle, then she wraps an arm around him and pulled him even closer. They lapse back into comfortable silence, basking in the comfort of each other’s presence.

He had never quite realized how much he missed human contact. It makes him feel… human. Not the monstrous abomination that he found himself as since the day he woke up within a Zerg chrysalis, consumed with pain as the hyperevolutionary virus twisted him into a tool of the Swarm.

If he closes his eyes, he could pretend he was still human with her at his side. A regular couple out on their day off, and not one of the strangest pairs in the Nexus.

Though he’ll take what he can get. What’s done is done.

***

They have been watching the sky in silence for a while – five minutes, perhaps – when she breaks the silence.

“ _Are you alright?_ ”

Her hand settles on his chest, over where his not-quite-human-anymore heart is hammering away. He wonders if she knows his heartbeats don’t sound human, haven’t been for a long time.

Duran shot him right through his heart; he knew he was going to die the moment the bullet tore a hole through his heart, leaving him to quickly bleed out with each pulse. Somehow, he was able to find strength to leave that message before he expired, and he still didn’t know how. Desperate for an attempt to salvage their failed mission, perhaps. Or just pure hatred of Duran and friendship with DuGalle keeping him in the mortal plane for those few moments when he should have died.

After he was given to the Moebius Foundation, the scientists have marveled at the changes the infestation had done on his body to repair the damage done by both Duran and being afloat in space for a long time. The infestation had used Zerg genetic blueprints to restore his body to a semblance of a working shell… which also meant _they got the anatomy all wrong._ Now he’s reminded that he is no longer human every time he feels his own heartbeat.

She hadn’t cared about the fact that he’s no longer human when they first met, and she still doesn’t care now. Though some part of him still seems to hold his breath and waiting for the other shoe to drop, for her to get tired of him and leave him – like oh so many things he had lost.

Possibly why he’s far more willing to invest effort into his relationship with her than the others. He wasn’t ready to lose someone so close to him again.

So far, he’s finding himself enjoying the bond they have. It’s like when he was young again... a soldier in his early twenties pursuing a career in scientific research as well as the woman that eventually became his wife. But Natasha is gone. He still remembers his marriage to her and the family they created but he no longer feels anything for them, as if he was an observer just looking at his memories and not himself.

He wonders if his attraction to her is the result of his human side seeking to fill in the void of emotions by creating new relationships, before dismissing the idea. If they had met in more… favorable circumstances, he might have become friends with her nonetheless if they didn’t end up dating like they are now. She’s a nice girl and a fellow soldier, they are already comrade in arms if not friends.

That reminds him- she’s still waiting for an answer. Enough thinking.

He turns slightly to the side, enough to make eye contact with her. She doesn’t look away like the others, instead holding his gaze comfortably.

“ _Not dead yet._ ”

His gloved hand gently closes over hers, holding it in place. Over his still beating heart.

He is still alive and suffering here. But at least with her, he has something to look forward to instead of spending the days away in endless despair. A most welcome change after years and years of pain and loneliness driving him insane.

“ _No, really. How are you feeling?_ ”

He finds himself smiling. “ _I thought I’m the one worrying too much.”_

“ _Don’t dodge the question, please.”_

Her fingers had left the confines of his hand and are gently tracing the line of his throat, before settling on the right side of his face. It’s cool and comforting, and he finds himself leaning into the touch.

He’s not sure why she is suddenly worried about his health today – not that he’s any different than most days - but he supposed he can humor her. “ _I’m fine.”_ She raises an eyebrow. “ _Really._ ”

“ _Okay._ ”

“ _What brings this on?_ ” Not that he’s worried. She asks after him often, but out of the two of them, he has always thought of himself as the fussier one. Being a dad and team healer tend to do that to a person – asking how people are is practically the description of his job at this point.

She sighs, turning her face into the soft fabric of his coat. “ _…I don’t know. I’m just worried._ ”

He starts threading his fingers through her hair, slow and gentle. A comforting gesture as they lapse back into silence.

Well, if that’s the most he was going to get out of her… then he’ll just have to be satisfied with that.

He trusts her to communicate her problems should they arise. They are a couple, after all.

***

At some point, she has fallen asleep.

She has turned even more towards him, and is hugging him with one of her legs thrown over his.

Logically, he knew he should be uncomfortable. But he can barely feel her weight on him as he watches her sleep.

They have endured so much to get to this point. He’s not exactly the easiest person to have a relationship with, and yet she chose to stay at his side.

And now, as he watches over her comfortably sleep next to him, he couldn’t help but be thankful to whatever fate that had decided to drag him into the Nexus – and led him to her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Starcraft 2 Coop: Rockslapping Champions #27 - Alarak Has A Feast](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dm4oRZRicnY)


	9. In a way I can't return

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Acts of love come in many forms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> May or may not resemble a certain scenario in a certain AAA game ;-)
> 
> (in all honesty though, I love it!)

_32\. In a way I can't return_

She never thought it’d hurt like this.

Being on the opposing side from him was a given, considering how… random… the Nexus seemed to pick fighters to drop onto the battlefields. After their friendship started, both of them accepted that they will have to face each other at some point.

Having to fight him stung, but she kept her feelings away. Stay professional.

Can’t risk the mission.

She had a battle to win.

***

If it was only friendship, then it would have been simple.

Falling in love with him, though, was something she didn’t count on.

He’s too kind, too affectionate to her, and it hurts.

She knows having him opening up to her is something special, but she didn’t realize how much it made her crave wanting to know more of him. Inside that shell is a glimmer of the proud vice admiral he used to be, and she wanted to chase it. To peel back the layers he put up over himself until she knew who he is, inside and out.

Just a normal friendship no longer satisfied her. She wanted _more._

And it gave her a shock when she realized it.

She was in love.

She didn’t tell him, and she was pretty sure he didn’t know, too. He made it a point to not read her mind after they started hitting it off, and she’s glad for it now. Nothing changed between them after she realized that she likes him more than just a friend, and she hoped she kept her feelings hidden long enough for her to deal with it – be her getting over it... or consummating the relationship, which she didn’t dare to hope for.

Knowing that her feelings for him run much deeper than regular friendship, but she’s scared to scratch that surface and go deeper.

Would he even be interested, broken and scarred as he was?

Or was she looking into an abyss of despair and pain, drowning out any possible affection she could give him?

She knew what it does to Kerrigan and Raynor, saw the pain on their faces. Tyrande weeping over Malfurion’s body when she thought no one saw her. Jaina mourning her memories of Arthas whenever she had to face him anywhere, be it her team or the other’s.

And she feared that it would be her one day.

Sooner or later.

***

The white snow of Braxis was strained with blood and soot as it crunched beneath her boots, and she knew.

His team was winning.

No surprise there. By now, most of the fighters have realized that he is an excellent tactician and will rally behind him – even grudgingly, because they know he’s quite sensible when it comes to battle. And he likes to win.

She could see one of the mages – that blond elf prince – hurling out spell after spell, raging flames burning anyone dared to get close. And another wave of minions closing in on their core as her team’s minions were burned to ashes.

The announcer screamed in her ears about how her team’s core was under attack.

To her side, someone shouted about a last stand. She stepped in front of them, ready to jump back into battle.

The rest of his team – with him in the back, directing the fighters – appeared at the gate, ready to secure their victory.

At that moment, her team charged.

They were going to lose either way; the core was falling quickly to the assault of the minions.

But they were not going to go quietly.

***

She could feel the ground under her boots shaking as the core exploded. A piece of flying shrapnel sliced into her arm, and she ignored it.

Despite putting up a valiant fight and managing to take down most of his team, the pressure from both the other team and the minions were too much to handle.

They had lost.

Someone in her team screamed, their voice echoing throughout the fortress. More scruffling noises as the defeated fighters returned to the Hall of Storms, eager to get out of the battlefield and away from another lost fight.

Except for her.

Her entire body ached with pain, and she’s sweating bullets from the exertion despite being in the chilling atmosphere of an ice planet. But she shouldered on.

She had something she needed to do first.

***

The air was thick with ash and gunpowder.

Red strained snow squished under her boots as she made her way through the bodies-strained battlefield.

_The death knight, sensing an opening as the huntress went to cover her partner’s flank, rushed forward._

_The flash of a blade, aiming straight for him._

_She was expecting a scream, a shout, anything._

_But there was only silence as the blade ran through him. A mortal blow._

_Their eyes met through the fire and ice._

_For a moment, everything was in slow motion. She watched him fall on the snow, pain and surprise and… is that resignation?... passing through his face, as his eyes slid closed and red spilled on the ground beneath him._

_Her eyes burned with unshed tears._

Her hands were sticky with blood and sweat, and her body ached from the many wounds she had sustained during the fight.

She didn’t care.

As the last living fighter shuffled off to the Hall of Storms and leaving her in total solitude, she finally found what she was looking for.

His body.

They’re no stranger to death, at least in the Nexus. She asked him once, about why he was so eager to die if his role makes it difficult for him to do so.

His response broke her heart.

“ _I don’t mind dying… it means I can stop thinking about everything for a little while. About the horror story that is my life now._ ”

She wished that there was somehow a way for her to help him. But she had nothing to offer… only her companionship, and quite possibly her heart if he wanted it.

Though he was quick to reassure her that he won’t be throwing his life away if it means endangering the team, she could not help but think about it. For him to be so in so much pain that death was the only release for him-

But now… seeing him lying there, unmoving, broke something inside her. He was so _peaceful_ in death, separated from all the pain that haunted him in life.

Sadness. And a tiny bit of relief as she didn’t have to be the one to kill him, as she gently held him close – heedless of the blood straining her armor. In this state, he’s as light as a feather, and she tried not to think on how he easily fit into her arms-

-until he stirred, and she realized that he was still alive.

Still clinging to life somehow despite the massive stab wound in his chest, courtesy of the death knight’s greatsword. Even then, she could tell that he wouldn’t be holding on for much longer.

He winced briefly, and she felt her heart broke.

Her hand settled on the side of his face, her fingertips gingerly touched his bare skin. The motion was enough to let him focus on her, even though his eyes were cloudy with pain. She could only hope that he was out of his mind enough to not realize what she was doing, or not reading too deep into it.

Did he even know it’s her?

“ _Hey._ ”

No response.

He relaxed into her hold, seemingly having recognized her… or resigned to his fate, and didn’t care who was right next to him.

It was the closest she had been to him in all the time they’ve been friends, though this was not the circumstances she would have wished for. But she relished in the chance to be physically close to him, regardless; if nothing else, she hoped it would ease his mind before his inevitable demise.

“… _Do it…”_

He slipped back into unconsciousness before she could ask, but she didn’t need to.

She knew what it meant.

She had seen it back in her world. Soldiers, fatally wounded and lacking access to immediate medical attention, would ask to be mercy killed instead of being left to a slow and painful death. A quick death would have been more merciful than to let nature takes its course, as their bodies tried and failing to fight off death every step of the way.

If he asked her to do it…

She hesitated. She had managed to avoid direct confrontation with him during all of their battles... until now.

Even then, this wasn’t a battle. Just her wondering what she can do to make his death less painful.

God. _I can’t do it. He wouldn’t remember anything after respawn, I don’t even need to do anything-_

Sudden movement stopped her train of thought cold. He seemed to have regained consciousness again, only to be met with a wall of pain that quickly knocked him back under.

Pain was written on his face, clear as day despite his rather brief moment of wakefulness; his body still refusing to accept the inevitable, but only served to prolong his suffering. He no longer had the energy to communicate anything to her at all, having expended them all on delaying his death.

He was in pain, and her heart screamed to do something, anything that will give him relief-

_There was no other way._ A heartbreaking realization. _It was either let him die, or kill him right here and now before he succumbed._

In that moment, she made her decision.

She had to.

This was the least she can do.

Putting him out of his misery wasn’t how she imagined her first act of love towards him would be. But it was for the best.

Because she loved him.

***

He didn’t stir as she set him down on the ground, careful to not aggravate his wounds any further.

It wouldn’t have mattered as he would be dead soon enough, but she couldn’t bring herself to treat him like an enemy. Not when the battle was over, and there were no longer two sides.

“ _I’m sorry._ ”

He didn’t hear it. Or he did, and was too disoriented to do anything else.

Focusing on the action of what she was about to do – and not the emotional ramifications of said action – helped keeping her hand steady. She had to be quick, to minimize suffering for them both; she can think about what happened later, in the confines of her own quarters.

She considered her options. Her particle cannon does not give a quick death; even at high charge, it generally gives its victims massive burns before incinerating them back to respawn. Infested terrans – or at least, him and Kerrigan – are nigh immune to certain traumas like neck breaking; something about the infestation process reinforcing weak points of the human body. She didn’t carry any other weapons on herself, and at that moment she briefly wished she had the standard issue combat knife.

Her instructor would have been mad at her.

She looked down at her shaking hands. There was no other option… she didn’t know if it would work.

But she had to try.

For all the jokes about her killing people with her bare hands, she had never actually did it. Largely due to most of her enemies being omnics, and she had never seriously wounded the few people that she fought in hand to hand combat. Even Sombra. That weasel bitch... if they met again, she’d make sure to finish the job.

But now, even as her hands slid over the line of his throat, she couldn’t help shaking the feelings crawling up her skin.

( _It’s… oddly intimate. She had never actually touched him before; he has a fear of bodily contact that makes any sort of non-hostile physical contact difficult, if not outright impossible. And he was not exactly forthcoming with the information on why, but she suspected it had something to do with his past as a test subject._

 _She didn’t want to push. If he wanted to do it, he would do it in time. She can wait_.)

Her eyes were misting over as her hands found purchase, and she _squeezed_.

She had expected some resistance; he wasn’t dead just yet, after all. But he was unmoving even as she started putting more force into – by the gods, it made her feel shameful to say it out loud – _choking him to death._

She was sure no one had ever tried choking an infested terran to death before, but everything dies if cut off from breathing long enough. He would be no different, if harder than regular humans; weakened as he was now, she hoped it would not take long.

He started gasping, his hand twitching in an attempt to try and keep her from collapsing his windpipe-

She doubled her efforts. Her biceps were burning with the strain, but she gritted her teeth and shouldered on.

_I’m so sorry…_

He struggled weakly against her hold – a futile effort from a dying man - for a moment, before going still.

She didn’t let go.

Not until the last breath left him, and the quivering pulse underneath her fingers finally ceased.

It was only then that her hands let go of him – now that he was truly dead.

Teardrops glittering at the corner of her eyes, falling on the pale skin of his frozen cheeks.

***

She didn’t know how long she was there, holding on to his body and losing herself to grief.

It was freezing cold in Braxis. Ice flakes had started to form on the tips of his hair and eyelashes, and she could feel her drying tears freezing over.

The Nexus is unforgiving to relationships. She knew that, and still chose to pursue the hope of having one with him some day… and it _hurts_.

So much.

Is this what Kerrigan felt when she had to kill Raynor? Tyrande when she faced down her husband?

…At least they have the other to comfort and lean on once the battle is over. They are not always enemies, and their bonds keep them strong through pain and hardship.

She had no such thing herself. At least not with the one she loves.

She can only hope that she still had a chance with him.

" _...I love you... I'm sorry."_

If he was willing to forgive her.

It was her last thought as bright light enveloped her, and took both of them back to the Altar of Storms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Starcraft 2 Coop: Rockslapping Champions #34 - Tychus Has An Adventure](https://youtu.be/Dp1lTKmkk58)

**Author's Note:**

> Visit me on [Tumblr](https://sintharius.tumblr.com)!


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